Thoughts: Heart Unable

Why are you so different? 
There are no butterflies, 
no racing heartbeat, 
no cat hanging onto my uvula. 
I don't feel sick,
I don't make a mad scramble for words. 
I can tell you almost anything, 
I can talk to you about almost anything. 
How could you possibly not see it?
How can you not tell?
How could you?
All I ever see is you. 
All I ever wanted was you.
I lied.
I didn't mean it 
when I said I didn't like you.
I lied.
I didn't mean it when I said
you were not the one I adored.
I lied
to myself, 
knowing that liking you is wrong,
pointless,
and will bring me nothing
but pain.
How could you not tell?
How could you possibly not see it?
My heart cannot do anything else
but weep.