Dreams

I had this dream.

I was pregnant in that dream.

I wasn't happy, to say the least.

I was looking out into the ocean, listening to waves come up the shore. I couldn't feel the sand beneath my feet, so I assumed I was at the pier.

In that dream, I remembered telling the man I loved to leave me. I didn't want to force him into the relationship we shared. The baby was unplanned, and it felt like he was staying just because I had the baby, his child, and not because he loved me. Not because he cared for the baby.

I told him that if he loved me and cared for the child, he will come back. I told him I can work before the baby comes. Perhaps at a bookshop. He didn't have to support me for I can do so on my own. I didn't hear his reply. I couldn't even make out his face. But I knew he was hesitant about it. I felt it. And I also knew he wanted to leave.

I was holding him back. He was not supposed to be with me. I took his life from him. I burdened him. He was unhappy.

I didn't want my child to know that. I didn't want to see myself as a burden either.

"Leave."

And he did.

In the dream, I knew I loved him. I just wasn't sure if he loved me back.

But I hoped he would come back to me, as I stared out into the sea. One day he'll turn up at the doorstep, with a smile on his face and his arms wide open, beckoning me into his embrace. And his eyes… they would be pouring with love. I would drown in that love. The baby will kick, jumping in joy for it felt his mother was happy. Happy that father came back for him and her.

I just hoped.

I knew it was futile to expect as I continue on looking out. I must have done it everyday for the heaviness continued gaining weight.

And I woke up.

I woke up, promising myself that I should never come to such an end. I will never come to love such a man. 

Review

This was something I wrote 5 years ago. 

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Hello everyone! Fifty decades have gone by since my last entry. And within that time, a lot of things had happened (*gasps* I'm not really serious in all of my entries. There's nothing fun about being serious. Hehehe. Says who? *looks away*).

At present, I'm reading another Paulo Coelho book which I couldn't get my hands off. The title is By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. It's a love story (ew?) and it's not that mushy! There's a lot of sense in Paulo Coelho's words on how he defined love. And I quote, "Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows." This actually makes sense. Aside from the fact that I was beginning to feel all mushy, I was able to contemplate (char!) that what he's saying is true! When we are with the people we love, we tend to overlook their flaws. And I quote from Margie Simpson, "The reason why we're still together is because I tend to overlook everything that I do because I love you." 

Coelho also compared love to a dam. If a crack forms on the dam, water starts to trickle from it. Eventually, the dam breaks due to that tiny crack, and a flood of water gushes out. Quote: "To love is to lose control."

For a teenager, love is confusing. It begins with an innocent touch and finishes with a heartbreaking end (ouch!). I'm starting to sound mushy.

Okay! I've also read The Devil and Miss Prym. It starts off when a man is seen by Berta accompanied by the Devil. The man is on a mission. His mission was to prove if his theory about humankind is correct. And to do that, he tries to make Miss Prym and the town folk of Viscosa violate one of the Ten Commandments. I won't tell you which ones since it would turn into a spoiler an I would be forced to sleep with the police around my bed. *laughs*

"Good and evil have the same face; it all depends on when they cross the path of each individual human being."

"There are two kinds of idiots- those who don't take any action because they have received threat, and those who think they are taking action because they have issued a threat."

-Paulo Coelho

Have fun reading!!! ^_^