Thoughts: Counseling

I never liked guidance counseling.

Never really found any sense to it.

I mean, you're talking to a complete stranger whom you paid to listen to your problems. They would only know about the things written in the information sheet you filled out before the start of class. They would only know about your test results. None of those really say anything about me. I could have doodled in my tests, I could have forgotten to update my information sheet. There is nothing much about me on those papers stuck to their clipboards.

So why bother listening to my problems? Because you're paid to do so? That's just harsh don't you think? 

Besides... I'm not much of a talker. I'm a writer. When thoughts overflow, I prefer writing them down than sharing it verbally. You have time to think about how to phrase it in a way that both you and the one hearing you out would understand (haha). 

I told my counselor (since we had to go once for our first two semesters in college) that I just don't see my problems to be just as big as the others. They have bigger and more serious problems than I did, so I prefer to deal with mine by myself and not bring anyone else into it. By doing that, I have more time to help them by listening. "You think way ahead of your years." she told me with a smile. 

A friend of mine told me that I should learn to share too. I told her I will if I felt like it. Besides... she needed more help than I. She told me I have the tendency to put others first before I did. Haha. 

There's just this weird feeling I have when I tell people about my problems. It makes me feel pathetic. What are you complaining about? This sounds stupid even in my ears.

I also don't like it that when telling people of your problems, they would have this notion that whenever your down it's because of that problem you just shared. Couldn't it be another reason? Do you have to go over it again when I have already taken it out of my chest? I don't want to be reminded of it! There are also chances people would think you're faking your happiness. I'm not. I am truly happy if I say I am. I choose to be happy. The problem I can fix, but I don't drag it out every single day. That's just... depressing.

And I make people happy when I'm happy. Going through the letters I received for my birthday, I found out that I have helped so many by being just that. It feels nice knowing that you were able to make people feel better about themselves.

So as I play with the sand in the sandbox (no duh), and the counselor asked me what I was making (a sand pyramid?), I told her it was nothing. I just wanted to play with the sand. Does everything I do have to have a hidden meaning? Can't it be just because I like sand and I'm bored with this session? 

You just don't know me enough, that's why.