Sunday, March 19, 2017

A letter

I entered a letter writing contest last Valentine's Day. There could only be one winner from the whole lot, yet I wasn't expecting the letter I wrote for an unrequited love to get third place. 

Here it is...

Dear _______,

They said, “When you fall in love you should keep a part of yourself safe should the feelings wither.” What they didn’t tell me was that before one even knows they have fallen in love, bits and pieces of themselves change with every meeting or conversation. It might come to a point they would think there’s nothing of their original selves left.

And that’s just what happened with me.

Honestly, before you came along, the future seemed less complicated. I thought I figured everything out, that I could handle anything… but when you came into my life, you pointed out what I was missing.

Flexibility. The world is filled with countless possibilities that any minute detail can potentially throw me off track. Usually, I would take it as a signal that the journey has ended and I should move on to other things. You taught me that should it go there, it doesn’t necessarily mean the journey has ended. “Another option has opened up. Take it as a side dish to your adventure.” was what you would say.

Trust. Emotionally, it may seem I have control, but deep inside it’s torrential and I have no idea where it should go. I didn’t know what I was keeping inside was eating me from within until you came up and listened. And I felt different. I felt better. I then knew what I had to change and what I had to let go.

Vulnerable. It seems like deep inside me a screw came loose and it was never how it used to be. I began to open up more, and in the process I felt more. It’s through exposing myself that I fell for you.

You broke me, like they said they would. Yet, if it weren’t for you, I would have remained broken. The shell I was in kept the pieces together, but it didn't really fix anything.  I wasn't whole... just pieces that don't really fit.

Then you came and... made sense of it all.

Now that you’re not close by, with your own life to lead, it annoys me that I end up looking for you in places I know you wouldn’t be. It annoys me that I want to tell you what happened today, be it a high or a low. It annoys me to need your reassurance whenever I’m in a bind.

This yearning for you is a feeling I would have preferred living without, but should I be given the option to start all over again, I would still choose to meet you.

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