Sunday, November 21, 2010

Thoughts: Silence

This happened on our field trip to Batangas in January 2010. The day was drawing to a close, with no other mishaps we encountered along the way (our bus broke down before we even got to the site). The sun was setting over at the horizon, and night slowly crept in. 
 
It was one of those nights after a school activity that you would be expecting your parents to be waiting there at school to pick you up.


I remember when I was still in high school, there were interclass competitions that would usually stretch until 10PM, and the safest way to get home is to pick up the phone and greet your dad with a sheepish grin on your face, asking him sweetly to come pick you up.


But things were different now.
 
There was no one waiting for me at the other end. Calling won't help at all, for the one I would ask to come would have to get on a plane, instead of a car, and travel for an hour and forty-five minutes besides the usual 15-minute trip. I sighed to myself inside that bus. I listened to my seatmate tell me that her parents will be picking her up, even though they're an hour away from our destination. She was lucky. I can already hear the others calling their parents, or it was the other way around, telling the one on their other end that we're almost there (we left later that the presumed time).


The bus took a turn into that all too familiar lane and parked at the curb. Sure enough there was a small crowd outside the building, most of them I think were parents. My seatmate pointed out that her parents were there, I looked out the window and followed her gaze. Her dad gave a small wave; next to him was her mother. We descended the bus. Most of the students went home in cars; the others who were also dormers went back in a group. Ten minutes later, there were only a few of us left.


It was so quiet.


At that time I would already be greeted by the sound of wheels coming to a halt near the entrance. My ears acquired the ability to recognize the sound my dad's car would make when he approaches (weird, right?). This was then followed by the driver's door opening, and my dad coming out to help me with my stuff. A smile on his face, a grin on mine: "Hi pap!" I would run to him and give him a small peck on the cheek. When my stuff has been put away, we would get in the car, me in the passenger seat. He would then ask me about my day and what we did at the site, small talk, but something I enjoy very much. 
 
It was the drive home that I missed.


Once the last bus came and I got the stuff I was waiting for, I continued on my way home. It was 8PM, the school was deserted since it was a Friday. I can hear the crickets chirping and the rustling of the leaves, the smell of the evening flowers reaching me.


Tears started to well up.


As pathetic as it may seem to most people, I can't really help it. I got back to the dorm, no one was there on the first floor as I trudged my way in. I imagined my mom coming out to greet me, my two little brothers right behind her to get my things and asking me stuff, telling me things that happened while I was away. 


The house was quiet. 


I climbed up the stairs and was greeted by an empty room. I dropped my stuff on the floor and sat in my chair.


Staring blankly out the window… I let go.

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