FOURTH YEAR

Who knew that senior year can be so hectic? Thanks to the training we got from our junior year, we found ourselves in a better state of mind when in pressure. But that isn't the case with me.

I am the type of girl who can't seem to set her schedule straight. To cram right before the exams and doze off when I know full well that there's going to be a long quiz the next day. What is wrong with me?!

In first year up till second year, I have always prioritized my studies. I don't cram, I don't sleep on tests, I haven't done any of those things listed above. And to think that the junior year and the senior year are the most important years of high school life. This is where the colleges one has chosen determine if you are good enough to be taken in as part of the st udent body.

I honestly didn't do well in my third year. And I definitely deserve that sharp kick in the ass for being an ass (no one did kick me though). WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Am I just tired from all the school work? Shouldn't I be accepting every challenge I come across with open arms? What is wrong with me? What made me this way?

I could say that i lacked the inspiration to be the best that I can be. But, I have an inspiration. My parents. It's because of them that a strive hard. I don't want their sacrifices to be put to waste. I oftentimes feel guilty when I receive my honor's award, with the words "third honor" emblazoned on it in thick black ink.

They don't deserve this. They don't deserve me. I haven't done anything right, from what I've learned. Yes, they are the coolest parents one could ever ask for, but what good would it bring me if I see them in such a state and I'm doing nothing to help them? I cry, I go out of my way to make things right, suggest to get a part time job, help in every way I can in the household (even though the computer keeps on calling for me), just to tell them how thankful I am to have them.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH!!! I say that it's not enough! I want to be the best! But there's something lacking. That special spark. That drive. I lost it when I entered third year. Did i get lazy? Does sleeping late have anything to do with it?... I guess it does.

As i ponder on what thing I lack, what it was that I am missing, I will leave you now to settle your own matters. I have a term paper to deal with, lots of assignments to finish, and four days of endless sports fun to enjoy.

Bye.