I got into an argument with this person again. I really do think when I get too happy, bad things happen afterwards. I just met up with old friends from high school earlier today, and later this same evening I got into a fight. How unfortunate. Well, the fights are pretty common now. I just find them completely ridiculous.
I never really share my personal problems with this person. I rarely even talk to her. Why? Well, she uses it against me in every argument. There's no one talking in this house other than her because she gets the freedom to. No one judges her. She's always right and she's always innocent. I am imperfect, and I admit that I am.
This person thinks I'm angry at the world for I push people away. The only time I ever did push someone away was with this friend of mine (let's call her Shrew) who was treating me unfairly. And that was the only thing she heard from me. Now said person thinks I don't want anyone around me just because of that incident. Puzzling, for she herself doesn't even like Shrew to spend time with me.
She told me I let people go so easily. Really? After having told her I gave Shrew many chances, I 'easily' let go of people? Even after she herself told me to stay away from Shrew and I remained firm that I won't, I 'easily' let go? I think she never got past that part of the story. She only heard what she wanted to hear. I don't care? If I didn't should I be hurt by what she's telling me? Just because I refuse help because the person offering it is also in need of help doesn't mean I cannot appreciate or I push people away or I am angry at the world. That man needs to worry about HIMSELF and not the both of us. I cannot accept help from someone who also needs it. How can she not understand? Just because she favors that man, everything I say that is against what he said rouses her defenses. She defends him like a lioness would to her cub. I didn't even do anything. I chose the better option and that was not to accept his help for he needed to focus on his performance.
She said I was very proud when I told her I can handle it. She tells me all the time that I can, how is this any different? Then she said it, "Di mo kaya."
I knew it.
It's pretty obvious. When someone continuously tells you same thing over and over, it just means they're trying to reassure themselves. She has no faith in me anymore. I get that. After not being at par with her beloved male subordinate, I apologize for not meeting anyone's expectations. I'm a failure, I get it. I didn't get high grades. But I'm not giving up and I am not a leech. I want someone to succeed and I refuse to be an added weight on their shoulders. I don't like it when people worry about me. It just means that they think I am incapable of handling it. I particularly am against those who say I can when deep inside they fear I can't.
Lies. All of it.
At times I wonder why I even came back. I think I'm a lot better off away from home.
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